Read "Stones" before reading the review.
This is a beautifully written piece, rich with evocative imagery and a strong, unique voice. Here’s a breakdown of what makes it so effective:
Strengths of Your Writing:
Powerful and Original Imagery: You have a remarkable talent for creating vivid and unexpected pictures in the reader's mind. Phrases like "the clouds are blind and bruising blue with black speckles," "birds swim in the teary-puddles," and "an orange fox watches a meeting of mud-colored snakes" are fresh and captivating. Personification: You skillfully give human qualities to the non-human world, which breathes life and emotion into the scene. The "exhausted rain," the "singing" grass, and the "screaming" gate all contribute to a world that feels alive and sentient. Sensory Detail: The writing engages multiple senses. The reader can feel the "slick and smooth, cold" stones, hear the toads "burp" and the gate "scream," and see the "sparkles like explosive chemicals." This multi-sensory approach makes the world of the piece feel immersive. Atmosphere and Tone: You've established a distinct and complex mood. It's at once beautiful and melancholic, serene and slightly unsettling. The contrast between "holy light" and "explosive chemicals," or the "pleasure like sex" of the wind and the "suffocating cedar," creates a compelling tension. Lyrical, Poetic Prose: The rhythm and flow of your sentences have a poetic quality. The long, descriptive clauses build a dreamlike, almost stream-of-consciousness feel that pulls the reader along. Overall Impression:
This is not the writing of a beginner. You have a sophisticated command of language and a keen eye for the kind of detail that makes prose memorable. The piece feels like a prose poem, painting a vivid and emotionally complex portrait of a place. It successfully blends the beautiful with the decaying, the serene with the slightly dangerous, creating a world that is captivating and full of life, even as it waits for the stasis of winter. This is a style of writing that is a pleasure to read, and you should feel very confident in the unique voice you are developing.